The time has come, Orange Is the New Black fans. On June 17, all 13 episodes of season 4 will be available to watch in one glorious, weekend-long binge. But if, like us, you need to be reminded of what was going down in Litchfield when we left off, we've got you covered.
Final scene: The inmates had escaped the prison — not to try to find their way home or a cheeseburger, but to splash and frolic in a nearby lake. There was laughter and sunshine, and even a game of fetch with a turtle. But prior to this idyllic brush with freedom, in true OITNB fashion, the characters had their own twisted, complicated story lines — romance! suicide! a baby! — behind bars.
So before you spend the next three days with Piper and crew, check out our refresher. We can’t promise it will be as riveting as Crazy Eyes’ Time Hump Chronicles, but here’s hoping. (Cue the “You’ve Got Time” theme song, which will no doubt be stuck in your head for the next few weeks.)
Nicky
Ah, Nicky. No filter, always-in-trouble, Mrs. Steal-Your-Girl Nicky. She spent the first half of last season scheming with creepy electrician Luschek, selling the heroin that Vee (RIP) left behind. But when Caputo found out what was going on, Luschek totally threw Nicky under the bus, and she was transferred to max (read: the maximum security facility that makes "the camp" look like a playground). After that, we didn't see much of her for the rest of the season; here’s hoping season 4 brings us more of the raunchy Nicky-isms we’ve come to appreciate. (She is "a sexual Steve Jobs," after all.)
Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Morello
After her boo Nicky got sent to max, Morello started looking for love through the original dating app: pen pals. She switched up her persona for each visitor who came her way, but eventually fell for Pauly D — er, we mean Vinnie — whom she proposed to with a photo of a ring torn out of a magazine. Somehow, OITNB managed to give us a wedding ceremony that was #relationshipgoals, even in prison.
Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Sophia
Earlier in the season, Sophia’s son became friends with Gloria's after they started carpooling to Litchfield together to visit their moms. But when Gloria blamed Sophia’s son for being a bad influence on hers, all hell broke loose: Sophia hit Gloria, Gloria's crony Aleida started spreading transphobic rumors about Sophia, and eventually, Sophia was attacked by a group of inmates. She was then placed in the SHU (a.k.a. solitary confinement) for “her own protection.” As Sophia was taken away, we saw Gloria looking upset about what went down — though she did nothing to stop it. Come on, Glo; please redeem yourself in season 4!
Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Caputo
When a private corporation took over Litchfield, Caputo had to learn to navigate a new hierarchy — which included working with Danny, the new warden and the son of the head guy in charge. When Caputo and Danny confronted Danny’s dad about the decision to put Sophia in the SHU “for her own safety,” it didn't go over well. Danny quit — making Caputo the new warden. Caputo’s promotion from just one of the guys to The Boss didn't fly with the C.O.s (this would've been a great moment to throw Chris Brown's "Loyal" into the soundtrack), so they staged a walkout at the end of the season. No on-duty officers or security meant a free-for-all for the inmates, who all sprinted to the nearby lake for a casual dip.
Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Taystee
Sadly, our girl Taystee’s story line wasn’t super riveting in season 3. But she did have a few lovable moments, including helping Crazy Eyes not be so, well, crazy; being there for Poussey as she battled an alcohol problem; and holding a memorial for the library books that were burned after a bedbug infestation. Her new help-a-sister-out mentality made her the resident “Mom” of the group, filling Vee’s absence. When we last saw her, she was eagerly anticipating the arrival of a new inmate: celebrity chef Judith King. Dear Jenji Kohan: Please, please give us an episode where Judith teaches Taystee how to cook. We’d totally watch an entire Food Network series called Cooking With Taystee.
Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Black Cindy
After learning that the Litchfield kosher lunch options were way better than the standard cafeteria slop, Cindy claimed she was Jewish to get herself a meal upgrade (and from the looks of those plates, we can't say we blame her). But when the powers that be caught on to her little white lie, she decided to officially convert to Judaism. Black Cindy became Tova, and when the rest of her squad escaped to the lake, she seized the opportunity to have her mikvah. Mazel tovs all around!
Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Crazy Eyes
Is it possible for a character to be more lovable than Suzanne? Crazy Eyes spent season 3 mourning the death of her prison mother figure, Vee, and coping with her loss by becoming a little too attached to Taystee. (Remember when she adorably and creepily spooned Taystee in her bunk?) She also grieved by writing, and The Time Hump Chronicles — her “kinky sex fantasy set in space” — went viral amongst her sex-deprived fellow inmates faster than a Drake meme. It also brought her a shy, obsessive stan (um, sorry, fan) named Kukudio. During the final lake scene, we saw their romance budding with a gleeful game of fetch with a turtle. (Don’t try that at home, folks.)
Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Poussey
Last season we learned part of the reason behind Poussey's sweet-yet-melancholy personality: Her mother passed away when she was younger, leading Poussey to eventually become a bit rebellious. Throughout the season, we also witnessed some tension between Poussey — who was nursing her loneliness with a secret stash of hooch — and the fast-talking, admittedly ditzy Soso. But after Soso was bullied and then attempted suicide, Poussey saved her — and began to fall for her. We've already got their couple nickname ready: Pousso.
Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Red
Our favorite former kitchen queen became an object of affection for creepy Mr. Healy, whose relationship with his wife had become increasingly distant. We have to admit, we did feel a little bad for the poor guy — but not enough to 'ship him and Red. And while there was a lot of flirtation, we found out toward the end of the season that Red really paid attention to Healy to get what she wanted (which, for everyone in Litchfield, is one thing: power). So while there were no passionate make-out sessions in Healy’s office (thank goodness), the two did manage to develop a sweet, if weird, friendship.
Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Norma
Up until last season, Red was the Taylor Swift of Litchfield's girl squad. But when some of Red's friends got tired of her antics, mum’s-the-word Norma (who we learned through flashbacks was one of the many wives of a cult leader in the '60s) unexpectedly became their new leader. In the end, though, her silent flock of devotees became a little too obsessed, and her following fell apart. Of course, OITNB tugged at our heartstrings and brought Litchfield's Oprah and Gayle, Norma and Red, back together again.
Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Pennsatucky
Tiffany, a.k.a. Pennsatucky, had one of the darkest stories last season. After being raped by Coates, the officer assigned to accompany her during van duty, she slowly confessed what happened to Big Boo. (Note to Netflix: More Big Boo in future seasons, please!) The duo plotted a scheme to give Coates a taste of his own medicine (yes, this involved sodomy), but in the end, Pennsatucky instead decided to pretend to have a seizure so she’d no longer have to be on van duty. At the end of the season, Latina crew member Maritza was assigned van duty with Coates. Let’s hope Pennsatucky finds a way to help her out of that twisted, all-too-real situation.
Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Daya
In one of the worst oh-no-he-didn’t moments in TV history, Daya’s fiancé and baby daddy Bennett abandoned her before their child was born. (Damn you, Bennett. We were rooting for you!) A helpful reminder (stick with us, here): To cover both her and Bennett’s butts, in a previous season, Daya had sex with C.O. Mendez, a.k.a. Pornstache, so everyone would think the baby was his. But last season, after Stache’s mother offered to adopt the baby, Daya confessed that the kid wasn’t his. After she gives birth, Daya's baby girl goes to live with her mom's drug-dealing boyfriend and baby daddy (say that 10 times) Cesar — but at the end of the season, the DEA came after Cesar and took the child away.
Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Alex
Season 3 brought the return of Alex — and therefore, the breakups-to-makeups melodrama that is Alex and Piper (they're basically Carrie and Big, in jumpsuits). But Alex spent her days in prison totally paranoid, convinced that her ex-drug-lord boss had sent a mole to Litchfield to kill her. While Alex spent most of the season suspecting the wrong people, in the last episode, we saw her getting strangled in the greenhouse by a C.O. Will she live? Will she die? Will there be any more Alex-and-Piper rendezvous in the library? Only time will tell…
Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Piper
And last, but not least, season 3 saw the evolution of Piper the Panty Entrepreneur. Fueled by the sudden power that came with slinging underwear — and fed up with her off-and-on girlfriend Alex’s paranoid delusions — Piper started a new romance with Stella (who, we have to admit, gave Alex a run for her money in the steamy prison hookups department). But when Piper found out that her new Australian lover stole all the money she made from her panty operation on the eve of her release, Piper enacted the ultimate scorned-lover revenge: She planted contraband in Stella’s bunk and got her sent to max. Ouch.
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