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The Grammys Are Imploding — & You Can Do Something To Change The System

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Once again, the Grammys have a woman problem. It’s the third year in a row that I’ve written about this and, somehow, the problem not only persists but gets bigger each year. 2020 finds the Recording Academy’s board facing their biggest woman problem yet: their newest CEO and president, Deborah Dugan. Dugan was placed on administrative leave 10 days before the 2020 Grammy Awards following allegations of workplace bullying. Instead of going quietly into the night, she’s chosen to fight back. Dugan filed a legal claim to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) filled with shocking accusations. Now, the entire music industry is now watching it unfold days before the ceremony, which happens on Sunday, January 26, transfixed. 

The accusation that the awards are rigged so that board members can change them at will to benefit artists they represent, or just like, is the least shocking part of the scandal. What’s horrifying is the bombshell accusation that former Recording Academy CEO and president, Neil Portnow, the man who we all thought resigned in the wake of his controversial comments that women needed to “step up,” allegedly did not have his contract renewed because an artist who is a member of the Academy accused him of rape. He denies the allegation and says that an independent investigation cleared him, though it had been until then withheld from the public and reportedly from some members of the board. Dugan’s suit asserts that it is, to her knowledge, why he was removed from his office.

What’s also horrifying is the recounting of how Joel Katz, an outside attorney who represents the Academy, took Dugan to a dinner after she was offered the job where he tried to kiss her and asked if she wanted to visit some of his multiple homes across the world. Katz denies the allegation.

What’s additionally horrifying is that Dugan attempted to begin putting into place all the recommendations of the Diversity and Inclusivity Task Force that the Grammys set up to address years of gender and racial diversity problems, only to be shut down by a predominantly white male board who reportedly wanted change — well, as long as it happened slowly and not at their expense.

None of this is the plot of a modern-day horror movie; it’s the actual job Dugan signed up to take following Portnow’s “step up” debacle and shepherding an outdated organization through a PR disaster of its own making. Prior to joining the Academy, Dugan was the CEO of the nonprofit (Red), co-founded by U2’s Bono. She worked as an executive at Disney’s publishing arm and at EMI Records, and started her professional career as a lawyer. The Academy said that she was put on administrative leave after they received a complaint of workplace bullying.

Friends who I’ve known and worked with for years in music told me about unwanted sexual advances and abuse, having to develop strategies to not be alone in a room with certain men — and asked me to never, ever tell those stories.

After #MeToo hit the music industry, women in music started networks to talk about what was happening. As a few men faced ramifications for their alleged misconduct, I listened while they shared information about men who were accused and men whose accusations have yet to see the light of day. Friends who I’ve known and worked with for years in music told me about unwanted sexual advances and abuse, having to develop strategies to not be alone in a room with certain men — and asked me to never, ever tell those stories. We talked about how brave the women who came forward were and watched hopefully as the non-disclosure agreements that protected so many toxic men who jump from job to job in the music industry were identified as a problem. We also discussed the trauma of working in male-dominated spaces and, instead of buying into the “there’s room for one woman” bullshit we’d all been sold, we started believing each other. 

For many women in music, especially those who became activists during the thick of #MeToo and have wondered if the music industry would face any further reckoning as the movement shifted from outing abusers to taking them to court, it’s an especially fraught story. It’s the tale of a woman just trying to do the job she thought she was hired for, until she bumps up against sexual misconduct, entrenched sexism and racism, and a lot of white men who will do absolutely anything to protect their own interests. We’re watching one of the most prestigious institutions in music circle the wagons in an attempt to save face and hold onto a way of doing things that led to the systematic underrepresentation of women and people of color in the Grammy Awards.

And we’re watching them sacrifice a woman to do it. 

Women in music do not have equal representation. According to numbers crunched by the Annenberg Inclusion Institute, who looked at five awards, the Grammy nominees from 2013-2020 were only 11.7% women. The 2020 Grammy Awards, for which a slew of new voters, comprised mostly of women and minorities, were invited to join the Academy, and for which the nominating committees were 50% women, saw gender parity the awards at an eight-year high, with 20.5% of the nominees being women.

Among Dugan’s accusations in the EEOC complaint comes news that she was offered a salary that was half of what her predecessor was paid, and that the Academy told her she should be “happy” to be paid more than she was at her previous job at (Red). Dugan’s attorney points out that aside from Dugan, no woman has ever surpassed the title of Senior Vice President at the Academy and notes that the board has always been predominantly white and male. Further, one of the things Dugan was trying to change at the Academy was a direct recommendation of the diversity task force: to make the membership, nominating committees, and leadership 50/50 in gender parity.

I remember the first time a man told me he couldn’t play two songs by women in a row — I was an intern at an alternative rock radio station in the late ‘90s. That genre was supposed to be the friendliest place in music for women, who were having a renaissance in rock music. But they were still being held back. I went to work at MTV as my first job after college and in my near-decade there, as well as subsequent jobs at iHeartMedia, CBS Radio, and doing independent consulting and publicity, I never reported to another woman until I started working at Refinery29. I learned through all of those jobs that if I wanted to convince people that a new sound has legs, that some genre of music is going to be cool, or that something has credibility, you go to them with a male artist. Women’s tastes and likes are summarily dismissed even while the spending power of teen girls is coveted and cashed in on — take their money, but don’t take them seriously could be the mantra of the industry.

Among Dugan’s accusations are that she was offered a salary that was half of what her predecessor was paid, and that the Academy told her she should be “happy” to be paid more than she was at her previous job.

Because of #MeToo, women in music finally started to feel like their stories of abuse and being marginalized were being taken seriously. They also started to get the sense, when the Grammys initiated a task force to address inequality and when major festivals like Coachella vowed to work on booking more women, that women artists and their work would be taken seriously. There was some hope that the idea that was just the way things had always been done wasn’t acceptable anymore — and that’s all because of the women who were speaking up. 

The boys club is extremely real in music — unlike other parts of the entertainment industry, there is no record label at which a woman is the head and doesn’t report, ultimately, to a man. Men run music — and a small group of men at that — and it guarantees that women can only exert a certain amount of power and enact a limited amount of change. 

It’s been pretty quiet in the music networks lately, with conversations of revolution waning while issues of representation and unaddressed misconduct left hanging. Until, that is, Dugan showed up and dropped a bomb on the Grammys which, she told CBS This Morning, was not what she wanted to do. “I only have come out to be here today because I was so severely retaliated against,” Dugan said of the board’s decision to put her on leave.

For their part, the Grammys, which have not publicly announced any plans to address this on the show, slipped an interim CEO into place (Harvey Mason, Jr., a Black man who has produced records by Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears and is currently best known for producing music for films) and quietly cancelled pre-show media events, while host Alicia Keys cancelled pre-show interviews.

Speaking up is hard, as everyone who has watched the Academy try to drag Dugan through the mud this week can clearly see. It’s also the most important thing she, or any woman, can do. As loud as she’s been, there is no way the Academy will get out of addressing the accusations, many of which were long held before they were filed in a legal brief by Dugan, with anything less than full transparency. The boys club may not have wanted change, but they’re about to get it — because someone spoke out. 

I hope this prompts more women behind the scenes in music to speak out, and do it loudly, about the ways women aren’t given fair opportunities, about “that’s the way it’s always been” practices that keep women on the sidelines, and about more grave accusations like sexual misconduct that make far too many aspects of working in music needlessly dangerous. Treating women as less than is why they have less radio airplay, fewer Grammy Awards, less opportunity to become producers and engineers, fewer slots at the top of festival bills, less money, less power, less prestige. 

Now we’re all watching, because the battle of Dugan vs. Boys Club has ramifications for all those hanging conversations women in music were having. Will we get more leverage and be respected through her as a proxy or does the status quo hold?

Women in the industry are watching very closely to see who wins: The “boys club” that controls the Recording Academy, or the woman who took them on. Will the claims that Dugan didn’t “fit in” or take the time to get to understand the organization and make friends with the board win out over Dugan’s claims of being stifled by a Boys Club and being harassed in the workplace? While the public does not yet have all the details, it appears we might be witnessing the Academy gaslighting both Dugan and the industry, implying she wasn’t equipped for the job and wasn’t a fit for their culture. What the Academy perhaps doesn’t understand is that the eyes of all women are on them as they try to pull this old trick off; we’ve all seen it a million times before. Is this accusation of bullying levied against her, which Dugan confirmed was instigated by her predecessor’s assistant, real or some trap that’s giving them a cliff to throw her off of? Above all: Are these men actually preying on women in the workplace sexually in this day and age and getting away with it? 

If we’ve learned one thing from the latest Annenberg study, with its small bump in numbers for women artists, songwriters, and producers, it’s this: Talking about the problem brings it out into the light and energizes people who do care to fix it. That we’re having this conversation about inequity at the Grammys and that the board of the Academy is being publicly held to account for their mistreatment of women in the industry is a huge deal. Keep talking about it, even if it takes another year.

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The Real Reason Trump Is Speaking At March For Life

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Despite having publicly stated he’s fine with abortion in years prior to becoming President, calling himself “very pro-choice,” Donald Trump has turned 180 degrees in recent years. Since 2016, he’s entered the running for most outspoken anti-choice president in history, feeding the fire of the anti-abortion movement. On Friday, in a presidential first, President Trump will not only attend March for Life — he will headline the massive anti-abortion rally.

Each year, thousands of anti-abortion groups march in Washington, D.C. in the March for Life. The massive rally originated in 1973 following the Roe v. Wade decision that legalized abortion in America. 

Prominent figures have attended in past years — including Vice President Mike Pence in 2017 — and Republican presidents like Ronald Reagan and the Bushes have addressed the rally remotely or through prepared statements. In 2018, Trump made his first large-scale declaration of support for anti-abortion lobbyists when he gave the first-ever presidential live video speech addressing the rally crowd.

Now, Trump is taking that support a step further by headlining the march — meaning he’s set to give a speech and set the tone for the event, at the center of it all. Historically, anti-abortion extremists like Ben Shapiro and Alveda King who spoke at March for Life made an obvious effort to vilify abortion and pro-choice people. Given the state of abortion rights in America at this moment, with Roe v. Wade being severely threatened, Trump’s attendance at the March for Life signals serious national support for the anti-abortion movement. 

Which begs the obvious question: what is the real purpose behind Trump headlining the rally? While the anti-abortion crowd is full of people from all backgrounds, right-wing Christians and evangelicals make up a large portion of anti-choicers. With candidates like Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren picking up steam on the left ahead of primaries, it’s more than possible the Trump campaign is nervous about competition. This is evidenced by, perhaps, the entire Ukraine scandal that’s called for Trump’s impeachment. 

Although Trump’s right-wing base was strong enough to secure him the vote in 2016, a presidential candidate can never be too careful about securing their base and keeping them happy. Polls have even shown that half of voters have already decided against voting for Trump in 2020. Whether that will play out or not, that idea alone is enough to scare the Trump campaign into making a large statement. So, is it possible that Trump is attending the March for Life as a tactic to rally evangelical votes and keep on their good side? Fully and completely. 

This isn’t new for Trump, who has gotten cozy with prominent extremist anti-abortion groups like the Susan B. Anthony List, and who has frequently praised “the evangelicals.” As a ploy to win the hearts and minds of anti-abortion radicals, it certainly seems to be working. The president of the Susan B. Anthony List, Marjorie Dannenfelser, called Trump’s appearance at the march “a moment of celebration for the pro-life movement.” She also stated that while previously everyone doubted where he stood on abortion, Trump’s appearance at the rally assuages anti-choice voters that they can trust him and reminds them of what’s “at stake” in the coming election.

After three years of his administration consistently working to restrict abortion rights, he needs voters to know they can trust him to continue on that trajectory — particularly evangelical voters, who support extreme right-wing politics at a higher rate than nearly any other religious group in the United States. Trump knows exactly what the anti-choice crowd, and what evangelicals want to hear about abortion. That crowd wants to know not only does he support it but that his current and future plans include using the powers that be in his administration to put an end to it.

In just a few weeks, the Supreme Court will take up its first major abortion case since Trump-confirmed nominees Justices Brett Kavanaugh and Neil Gorsuch, who are both anti-abortion, joined the court. Now, knowing that Roe could be overturned, the evangelical anti-abortion monopolies know the next president might have the opportunity to name another justice to the court. 

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I Stopped Celebrating Chinese New Year After My Divorce

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My mother’s family has been part of the Chinese diaspora for generations. We are spread out across the world. We speak different languages, have different accents, and have married and had children across cultures, shapes, colors, sizes, and sexual orientation. Most of us don’t read, write, or speak Chinese. I speak Cantonese because I live in San Francisco. In Chinatown, most people still smiling say that I am “chap choong” (mixed).

But for about a week a year, we are Chinese.  

We are Chinese with all the bells and whistles, with all the baggage and joy, and with all the guilt and love.

Home base is Perth, Western Australia because that is where my grandmother, the matriarch, still resides. Every year, we all try to make the pilgrimage there for Reunion Dinner and a few days of Chinese New Year. When I say “we,” I mean her five children and their partners, 12 grandchildren (including myself) and their partners, plus all the great-grandchildren and their families. As her siblings and spouse have all died, their extended families have also joined, and so have adopted family and families that became intertwined with ours during World War II for protection and survival.

Essentially, we are talking about a lot of people.

This Chinese New Year will be the third Chinese New Year I haven’t been home since announcing I was separating, then divorcing, my partner of 20 years.

The first year I couldn’t even call to wish everyone a happy new year, let alone make the trip to Perth. The next year I called, but still couldn’t bring myself to attend. I explained to my sister and cousins, “I am just not ready to manage the family.” They sighed in sympathy and replied, “Soon.”

My hesitation didn’t come from any sense of shame or embarrassment over the failed marriage (we’ve seen divorces and single parenthood), but rather my own fragility and anxiety. Instead, the anxious state I found myself in kept me away. The Chinese New Year is a time of joy, of wishing for prosperity, health, fertility, and longevity. What’s more, Chinese families can be loud.  They are opinionated. There are no polite filters.  If you are not emotionally resilient, this is not the space for you. And the past few years, I was not resilient.

I knew my relatives wouldn’t hesitate to tell me exactly how they felt about my marriage and my ex-husband — and I wasn’t ready to hear it. Telling them to refrain from commenting or crying would just add fuel to the fire, so to speak. 

After explaining to a friend why I was sitting out our Chinese New Year celebrations, they said, “Oh, so they love with a touch of venom.” It was the perfect description. It also reframed my perspective, allowing me to remember my family’s love rather than their venom.

In 1999, my grandfather died.  He was a beloved patriarch, the man who told me I could dream the biggest dreams. After his funeral, I sat with several of my cousins from around the world, sharing chocolate mud cake and wine and lamenting our loss. Eventually, our talk turned to the life expectations we faced growing up “Chinese.”

We had similar experiences. Like how our parents switched so quickly from “You will not have a  boyfriend or girlfriend because you need to study” to “When are you getting married?” and “You don’t want to be too old before you have a baby.”  

We were pushed from extreme celibacy to immediate procreation with none of the social skills required in between, and we’re left thinking, ‘WTH just happened?’

I belong to a Facebook group called “Subtle Asian Traits,” where people my kids’ ages are struggling with similar issues. I’ll read posts from young adults who have high-paying tech jobs — and a curfew. Others ask how to tell their parents they want to date outside their home culture. These are scenarios my grandparents faced, and I faced… But I was not expecting today’s youth to still be facing.

I felt it before I was married, and again when I announced the divorce. Chinese families are very vocal about their expectations. Feeling as though I’d missed the mark was devastating, and fear of their reaction was one of the reasons I didn’t attend my family’s celebrations. But I was forgetting that these were people who loved me. The bar they set for me is high because of that love — even if the way they expressed it could be clumsy.

Feeling as though I’d missed the mark was devastating, and fear of their reaction was one of the reasons I didn’t attend my family’s celebrations.

My mum and I had a beautiful private call on the second Chinese New Year I missed. She said, “This has been difficult for us because you are so precious to us. To see you heartbroken without being able to fix it made us sad. And when we are sad, we just come up with to-do lists.”

I was loved, beyond measure. I may not have been loved in a way that worked for me at the time, but I was loved nonetheless. 

When they said, “When are you getting married again?”, it was an expression of love.

When they said, “You’ll never find a man because you are too smart and make too much money,” they were demonstrating love and pride.

“Eat more!” equalled love.

Still, and even though I’m the CEO of a multinational bioenergy company and I face investors and board members on a daily basis, I was too nervous to go home.

It took a few shots of tequila and a FaceTime call with my parents where I said, “I need you to listen to me. I need you to not say anything until I finish. I love you and I know you love me. I want you to be a part of my life so I need to be able to talk to you. You don’t have to agree with what I do or what I say, I just need you to know what is happening.” 

From then on, when I heard statements such as, “You are too old to have kids with someone else, what is going to happen?” or “How is someone going to marry you and your companies?” my response has been, “I have experienced marriage, and while I am open to a new relationship and a new partnership, I don’t need to ever get married again.” At first, people seemed shocked; conversations were interrupted. I heard, “You’ll change your mind.” But beyond a few rocky weeks in the beginning, there was barely any pushback with my life choice. 

Now I have an amazing relationship with my parents, one that I only dreamed of in my teens, my 20s, or my30s. 

So what am I doing this year?  I will be calling in via FaceTime for a few hours to join my family as they celebrate. It’s the next step for me. Next year, I’ll be there. To hug them, to be loud with them, to eat with them. I will embrace how they choose to love me for exactly what it is — love. If they think I am lonely, if they have a line-up of prospective spouses, whatever, I’ll accept it as love. 

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The Real Meaning Behind Naked Dreams

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We’ve all been there. You’re out with some friends or in an important meeting at work when you look down and you’re… completely naked. You start to panic — how could you have let this happen?

You’re dreaming, of course. (Probably.) You might start to suspect this while you’re still asleep, or maybe you don’t realize it until you woke up in a cold sweat.

Naked dreams can be a terrifying experience. I know firsthand — every so often, I have one. Since it’s a recurring theme for me, I started to wonder what causes them. Are they stress dreams, like the ones people have about missing an important school exam?

I asked Stephanie Gailing, dream analyst and author of upcoming book The Complete Book of Dreams (on sale September 2020), to weigh in on what’s behind my nudist fantasies.

“Being naked in a dream may mean something different to you than it would to me,” she says. “And it could mean something different to each of us throughout our lifetimes, depending upon the situation.”

The dream might pop up at a time you feel unprepared for something at work, for example. (Big presentation, inadequate time to prepare.) Or it could be triggered by embarrassment. (Spilled an entire cocktail on a new date.) Gailing says the common thread is vulnerability — they may be a way you process your sense of powerlessness, especially if you’ve been feeling anxious or upset about anything.

I’m always horrified to “discover” that I forgot to put on clothes — but some people remember feeling totally fine with it in their twilight state, Gailing notes. “That type of naked dream may be a reflection of some area of your life where you’re feeling more liberated,” she adds. “It might also be a call that you want to be less encumbered about something.”

The fact that I wind up sans clothes in my sleep repeatedly offers another clue to my mental state. “Recurring dreams are like a mirror of how we’re moving through and processing life events,” she says.

Next time I have one of these dream, Gailing suggests I ask myself what it’s showing me about my feelings regarding recent experiences. In other words, is there something I’m anxious or embarrassed about? Then I can make a list of those insecurities and stressors.

Identifying is the first step to finding a way to cope with the emotions, Gailing says.

If I notice that my naked dreams crop up when I’m super-stressed, the next time it happens I’ll know my anxiety levels are tipping into the danger zone. Then I can ask myself what’s making me tense, and take steps to ease the burden. I might exercise, gratitude journal, make time to see friends, finally try a sound bath, or take a meditation class.

I may never stop ditching my clothes in my sleep — but understanding some possible root causes actually turns the habit from a nightmare into a something of a superpower. Sweet dreams.

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A New Birth Tourism Law Could Restrict Pregnant Women Traveling To The U.S.

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Imagine preparing to board a flight only to be told that in order to proceed, you are required to take a pregnancy test. If it turns out that you are pregnant, you won’t be allowed on the plane at all. This scenario sounds borderline dystopian. But no, this is not an episode of Black Mirror — this really happened. For one woman, the so-called birth tourism law prevented her from boarding a flight, and now she’s telling her story.

In a November op-ed, 25-year-old Midori Nishida recounted her experience of being asked to take a pregnancy test before getting on her flight to Saipan — a United States territory in the Western Pacific where she had lived for 18 years (she now resides in Tokyo). 

“Despite being a frequent flier to Saipan, none of my previous experience would have prepared me for what happened during my most recent flight: Take a pregnancy test or be denied boarding,” she wrote. In her op-ed, Nishida explained that the airline asked her to fill out a mandatory questionnaire confirming that she wasn’t pregnant. Then, she was “randomly” picked to participate in a “fit-to-fly” medical assessment for potentially pregnant women traveling. 

Nishida said she tried to clarify that the test was administered to random women passengers but details having to sign a medical records release form before realizing that wasn’t exactly the case. “Upon closer examination of the form, it was evident that I was not randomly chosen based on the following statement: ‘In our routine initial safety assessment by our ground handling staff, we have reasonable suspicion on the health condition of the passenger above. The passenger has been observed to have a body size/shape resembling to a pregnant lady’,” she wrote.

Ultimately, Nishida took a pregnancy test, which came out negative, and she was finally given a boarding pass to get on her flight. The airline carrier, Hong Kong Express Airways Limited, has since issued an apology and has reportedly suspended its pregnancy testing practice, according to The New York Times. But this issue is far from over.

Last week, news broke that the Trump administration is employing a travel restriction known as birth tourism. The new objective would make it harder for pregnant individuals from other countries to obtain tourist visas to travel to the U.S. But, this development is unsurprising given the administration’s previous hard-line policies on immigration, including travel bans and stricter rules within the asylum system. Ahead, we’ve detailed what birth tourism means and how it will impact pregnant travelers.

What is birth tourism? 

Birth tourism is technically defined as a pregnant person’s decision to travel to another country for the specific reason of giving birth in that country and hoping to gain citizenship. Right now, there is no restriction on flying while pregnant to the U.S., but customs officers are technically allowed to deny entry into the country if they suspect a pregnant person is intentionally traveling to give birth for the purpose of gaining citizenship. Now, the Trump administration wants to take this suspicion one step further by allowing administered pregnancy tests at the border, which could potentially ban any pregnant person from another country to enter the U.S.

Who is affected by birth tourism laws? 

The birth tourism law would directly impact all pregnant women travling to the U.S. from other countries and non-U.S. territories. The proposed guidance currently in consideration at the U.S. State Department would require that anyone looking to come to the U.S. on a tourist visa while they could give birth would be tasked with “convincing a consular officer they have another legitimate reason to come to the U.S.”

But the new rule won’t be the same for everyone. Citizens of 39 mostly-Western countries — a majority of Europe, Australia, New Zealand, Chile, Brunei, Japan, Singapore, and South Korea — don’t usually need a B visa (aka the tourist visa) to come to the U.S. for less than 90 days. So, they aren’t likely to be affected. But it’s worth noting all of the countries not included in that list, and the areas of the world they represent. 

What other places have birth tourism laws?

Trump has previously claimed that the U.S. is the “only country” that provides birthright citizenship, but he’s lying about that one. According to The Atlantic, more than 30 countries have a similar birthright citizenship law that is largely unconditional, “save for exceptions like the children of foreign diplomats.” Many of these countries are in the Western Hemisphere. Canada, for example, generally grants citizenship at birth to anyone born in Canada, regardless of the citizenship or immigration status of their parents. 

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What The Year Of The Rat Means & How To Celebrate It

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This weekend, the Year of the Rat begins. January 25 is the Lunar New Year, aka Chinese New Year. It marks the beginning of the lunisolar Chinese calendar, which is based on the phases of the moon and the sun’s longitude, and has been in use since the 14th century B.C.E. Although the modern Gregorian calendar is the go-to for day-to-day life, the lunisolar calendar is used to calculate festival dates, and some special occasions, such as weddings.

The Lunar New Year is also celebrated in other parts of Southeast Asia, such as Vietnam, as well as among the diaspora throughout the world, including in the United States. The New Year falls on the date of the New Moon closest to the beginning of spring, always sometime between January 21 and February 21. It’s also called Spring Festival. Celebrations continue for 15 days, ending with the Lantern Festival.

The Chinese zodiac cycle consists of 12 animal signs, one for each lunisolar year. This upcoming cycle is the Year of the Rat, the first sign; last year was the Year of the Pig. In folklore, the Jade Emperor held a competition to decide the zodiac animals. The rat asked the ox to carry him across the river, but jumped down before the ox crossed the finish line, winning the race. 

According to the China Institute, the rat is a symbol of fertility and abundance. People born during this year (or previous Years of the Rat, such as 1984, 1996, or 2008) are believed to be intelligent, creative, and resourceful, and have the ability to form strong social bonds. 

Additionally, each sign is associated with one of five elements — and this year’s is metal. So to get specific, 2020 is also the Year of the Metal Rat. Metal symbolizes stability and longevity, and according to the Daily Telegraph, those born in 2020 will “live a stable life and have the ability turn unlucky events into fortune.”

Now, the important part: how to celebrate. “Chinese New Year is the biggest and most important holiday for Chinese people all around the world,” Yue-Sai Kan, co-chair of the China Institute, tells Refinery29. “It has always been a time of family reunion. In China, Chunyun, also known as the Spring Festival Travel Rush, is considered the biggest annual human migration on earth,” she says.

“Millions of people travel back to their hometown to be with their family for the festivities,” she adds. “Air, train, and bus tickets are sold out weeks ahead of time. In recent years, many Chinese residents actually choose to travel outside of the country for the New Year to avoid the chaos. It is estimated that three billion trips in and out of China will be made during this year’s Chunyun from January 10 to February 18!” 

The China Institute explains that in legend, a monster named Nian (whose name means “year”) is known for haunting people at the end of every lunar year. Nian is afraid of the color red and fireworks, so these both abound during Chinese New Year celebrations. Observers might also visit a family shrine or set one up in their home; display couplets and decor; attend a Lion Dance; eat symbolic, lucky foods; and give or receive red envelopes of “lucky money.” 

“Growing up in Hong Kong, my sisters and I used to celebrate the Chinese New Year by going to the flower market with our father to buy plum blossoms and narcissus flowers, which were used to decorate our home,” Kan shares. “We got to wear new clothes and ate special foods like rice cakes, fish, and dumplings that were prepared for the occasion. After we emigrated to America, we do a lot less, but one tradition I will always keep is to continue preparing red envelopes for my friends’ children that I see over the holiday,” she says.

“In the 1980s, I have fond memories of attending the live Spring Festival Gala in Beijing which aired on China Central Television every New Year’s Eve,” Kan says. “It was a great honor to be included in China’s biggest show with an audience of over one billion. Nowadays, it is very convenient for us Chinese Americans to just watch the Gala online.”

The New York City metropolitan area has the largest Chinese population in the United States (with Los Angeles at number two), and the parade and Lion Dance in Chinatown draws about 500,000 people every year, according to Newsweek. Additionally, the China Institute is throwing a family festival on February 2, and featuring other programs including a paper lantern-making workshop, a cultural seminar, and an orchestral concert. Happy New Year! 

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Is The Goop Lab Right About The Healing Powers Of Ice Water Baths?

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Gwyneth Paltrow’s The Goop Lab is officially on Netflix and ready to be binged. After making it through all six episodes, you may have a few questions. Where can I learn the Betty Dodson Method? Can I still buy tickets to the Goop cruise? And my most pressing query: Should I be submerging myself in ice water on the reg?

Episode two of The Goop Lab attempts to answer that last question. In it, we meet Wim Hof, aka the Iceman, polar plunges’ biggest stan. “Cold water is a great way to learn to deal with stress,” Hof tells a gaggle of Goopers on the show. “If you learn how to breathe deep, you can go into the cold water and adapt. And with that, you become the alchemist of life itself.”

The Iceman is the creator of what’s known as Wim Hof Method, which involves three pillars: (1) cold therapy (hence the chilly baths), (2) breathing, and (3) commitment.

Hof says his program unlocks a ton of insane health benefits. Sticking with the ice water plunges and a specialized deep breathing technique is meant to balance your hormone levels, boost your energy, reduce stress, strengthen your immune response, and more.

Hof even believes his method helps him control his body temps. “Just by using my mind, I was able to make my skin temperature not go down after exposure of cold water,” he tells Paltrow.

According to the Iceman’s website, the human body is naturally able “to adapt to extreme temperature and survive within our natural environment.” But because we sit around in temperature-controlled environments most of the time, we start to lose some of our “inner power.” His three-pronged approach is meant to help us tap back into it.

It sounds nutty, but from looking at his website, it’s easy to see that people who love the Wim Hof Method really love the Wim Hof Method. Fans say they’ve been able to improve their athletic performance, conquer fears, better cope with loss and grief, and even even treat Lyme disease symptoms. Plenty of A-list celebs have also admitted to warming up to the practice: Paltrow, of course, but also Jim Carrey, Tom Cruise, and Harrison Ford.

To back up Hof’s claims, The Goop Lab mentions on a 2014 study of 24 participants. Half were trained in the Method, then they all were injected with an endotoxin that caused fevers, chills, and headaches. The 12 participants that Hof worked with were able to suppress the side effects of the injection, while the others were not.

In another experiment published in the journal NeuroImage, researchers studied Hof himself and found that he could indeed raise his body temperature with his technique to combat the cold.

Vaibhav Diwadkar, PhD, one of the study authors, said that the Iceman’s method may change autonomous brain mechanisms, which control things like respiration, cardiac regulation, and certain reflexes like coughing and sneezing. In an interview with ScienceDaily, he explained that the method might help people manage conditions including autoimmune diseases and mood disorders.

That said, the studies that looked into the method are super-small, and therefore don’t prove much.

Plus, jumping into ice water isn’t safe for everyone. Hof’s own site says that the breathing technique may also be dangerous and cause you to faint. As The Goop Lab‘s pre-show disclaimer reads, the series “is designed to entertain and inform — not provide medical advice.”

Although the Goop team survived their day with the Iceman, it’s probably a smart idea to check in with your doctor before trying to recreate their trip to the tundra.

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When It’s Too Cold To Grocery Shop, These Sites Do It For You

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Theoretically, we could make it through winter without ever setting foot outside. How? By ordering every meal in. And no, we're not talking about takeout (although, we do see many boxes of pizza in our bundled futures). Instead, we're talking about ordering in all of our groceries from shelf stable to fresh.

A week's worth of meals, minus any sort of physical trip to the store, is simply an app or web browser away these days — and we rounded up the best on-demand services out there that do it for you. Ahead, all your favorite groceries delivered fresh from the well-known Amazon or Jet to the trendier and new Brandless or Thrive Market. (We threw in a bonus alcohol delivery option, too.)

At Refinery29, we’re here to help you navigate this overwhelming world of stuff. All of our market picks are independently selected and curated by the editorial team. If you buy something we link to on our site, Refinery29 may earn commission.

Amazon Prime


Ideal for larger families looking to subscribe to a consistent and yearlong service that delivers big batches of fresh groceries from Whole Foods on a flexible schedule.

Cost: Around $24.92 per month (or $299 per year) for an annual membership in addition to individual grocery order costs (orders that total $50 and up include free delivery).

Delivery Options: Attended (received in person with paper grocery bags), doorstep (left outside in temperature-controlled totes), or pickup delivery (arranged to be picked up in person at select locations).

Thrive Market


Ideal for shoppers looking to receive smaller batch, artisan, and organic shelf-stable products on demand.

Cost: Annual membership costs $59.95 (or $4.99 per month) with free shipping on orders over $49 — currently offering a free 30-day trail membership for first time customers.

Delivery: Doorstep delivery with orders shipped within 24 to 72 hours.

Fresh Direct


Ideal for New York-based customers in search of a flexible and annual membership-fee free grocery delivery service.

Cost: $5.99 to $6.99 delivery fee (varying from location) on all orders with a $30 minimum.

Delivery: Offers next day delivery on all grocery orders with specific cut-off time qualifications.

Peapod


Ideal for families looking to place larger bulk orders (in order to combat high delivery fees) on-demand with no annual membership fees.

Cost: Delivery fees range between $6.95 to $9.95 depending on order totals over $100 or under $75.

Delivery: Same-day pick up or next-day doorstep delivery.

Hungryroot


Ideal for customers looking to have their grocery lists curated for them with premium products, brands, and optional recipe suggestions.

Cost: $69 per two-serving delivery for 3-4 meals worth of groceries; $99 for 4-5; $129 for 5-6.

Delivery: Offers weekly deliveries with fresh grocery selections every Thursday.

Instacart


Ideal for fresh and shelf-stable on-demand goods offered at flexible prices with an optional annual fee from multiple retailers (e.g. ALDI, Costco, Kroger, Loblaw, Publix, Sam's Club, Sprouts, Wegmans).

Cost: $3.99 for same-day deliveries on orders over $35. An annual membership fee of $99 (or $9.99 per month) gets you free deliveries on all orders over $35.

Delivery: Offers same-day delivery

Brandless


Ideal for millennials looking to order discounted (everything is $3), shelf-stable, and organic goods that give back a portion of proceeds to charity.

Cost: $36 per year annual membership fee (about $3 a month) with free shipping on every order and two meals donated to Feeding America (10 meals for first time members) — or free shipping on all orders of over $72.

Delivery: Times vary between 2-4 days depending on location.

Shipt


Ideal for shoppers consistently looking to order everything from fresh produce to household essentials from an app with on-demand delivery in as little as one hour flat.

Cost: $14 for a monthly membership or $99 for a yearly with free shipping included on grocery order totals over $35.

Delivery: Doorstep delivery in one hour after a grocery order is placed.

Jet


Ideal for customers looking to receive discounted prices on bulk shelf-stable items on demand without an annual membership fee.

Cost: $4.99 delivery fee for each order with free shipping on orders of $35 and over.

Delivery: One to two day door-step delivery (depending on location).

Google Express


Ideal for smaller, one-off grocery orders as this service does not offer fresh goods but instead has flexible delivery minimums and lower yearly membership fees on goods from a variety of retailers (e.g. Target, Walgreens, Petsmart, REI, etc.)

Cost: A $4.99 minimum delivery fee on one-off orders or the option to subscribe to a yearly membership of $95 (about $7.92 a month) that eliminates per-store fees. Currently offering a coupon of "$10 off your first order of $40 or more with code GET10OFF40." Overall

Delivery: Same-day, overnight, and two-day delivery options.

Drizly


Ideal for anyone looking to get their hands on specific bottles of wine, beer, or liquor, ASAP.

Cost: $20 minimum purchase fee with a $5 delivery fee, but no markups of overall alcohol prices.

Delivery: One-hour doorstep delivery, pickup, or specified future shipping dates.

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Your Horoscope This Week

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We’re ready to burn off some nervous energy on Sunday when sensual Venus squares against energetic Mars. Tempers are running high during this transit, so focus on channeling this energy into a positive flow — learn to take the high ground wherever possible. This square also lends us an electric vibration, so pay attention to feelings of desire that arise as these planets clash. Make sure you’re centered before engaging with the object of your affection. It’s easy to space out on Monday when sweet Venus is conjunct with dreamy Neptune. We’re ready to slip into our fantasies as these planets complement each other. Make sure you’re paying attention to your responsibilities, but find a way to elevate your experiences during this ethereal transit. Spend time with people who lift you up. Feelings of suspicion arise on Tuesday as fiery Mars squares against imaginative Neptune. We’re not in the mood to open up, and are determined to look for ill-intention in everyone we encounter. Fight against these feelings and work to understand the complexity of human nature if you’re feeling lost. Someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business, and that’s okay. Step back and take a look at the big picture if you’re feeling lost during this transit. We’re itching to get projects moving on Saturday when the Moon waxes into her first quarter in Taurus at 8:42 p.m. EST. Use this transit to meditate on your next steps instead of sending premature emails or pressuring people to help you meet your deadlines. Relax, recenter and rest — you’ll be able to tackle your next big idea soon. 

Aries
March 21 to April 19


Are you your own worst enemy, Aries? Take a look at how you could be holding yourself back on Sunday as passionate Venus squares against ruling Mars. Now is the time to inspect how your romantic relationships and spending habits are at odds with your needs. Take time to get space from these influences during this clash of energy.

You’re able to make positive strides towards your relationship with the material world on Monday, when finance-ruling Venus conjoins with Neptune, which governs inner growth. Listen to your heart and enjoy a little escapism while these planets complement each other. Avoid giving into feelings of pessimism on Tuesday, as ruling Mars squares against spiritual Neptune. There’s a tendency to be less trusting during this transit, but don’t give up on others — continue to bring your light to those who need it. 

Taurus
April 20 to May 20


Sit with your emotions before you express them, Taurus. You may need some extra time to heal on Sunday when ruling Venus squares against Mars, a planet that oversees inner growth. This transit can easily ignite a short fuse, so make sure that you don’t explode on your loved ones and friends. Find a positive way to exert your energy as these planets clash.

Seek out novel routes and explore other options for your schedule on Monday when routine-ruling Venus conjoins with imaginative Neptune. This is a wonderful day to get out of a rut — try out a new class or recipe, or explore a different part of your city. Avoid looking too deep within yourself on Tuesday, as spiritual Mars squares against dreamy Neptune. Focus on living in the moment, and put your energy into people who support you.

Gemini
May 21 to June 20


How do you get inspired, Gemini? You’re ready to absorb every influence on Monday, as material Venus conjoins with Neptune, which governs status. This is an excellent day to seek inspiration from your surroundings and try new music, food, and art. Indulge your senses to help yourself to conceive fresh ideas and revitalize old projects.

Tuesday may not be the right moment to act on these thoughts, though, as fiery Mars squares against career-ruling Neptune. There’s an air of mistrust and anxiety during this transit, so guard your energy by protecting your emotions and letting these concepts settle and solidify. You’re in the mood to get the ball rolling on Saturday when the Moon, which oversees money, waxes into her first quarter in hard-working Taurus at 8:42 p.m. EST. Look before you leap, and make sure you’ve got all of the facts before putting up any cash. Quarter moons inspire a need for action when caution and patience are required. 

Cancer
June 21 to July 22


You may need to get out of your space to get some clarity, Cancer. Domestic Venus squares against Mars, ruler of careers, on Sunday, creating a power struggle between your personal and professional responsibilities. Make your way through this tension by writing down all of your must-dos before beginning to tackle each task. Don’t forget to reward yourself as you make your way through — a little pleasure helps to keep the mood light.

You’re able to enjoy the fruits of your labor on Monday as domestic Venus conjoins with lucky Neptune. This sparkling transit helps you recharge your sweet spirit and reconnect with loved ones. You may have to take your lumps on Tuesday, when status-minded Mars squares against lucky Neptune. Avoid pessimistic energy by embracing an empathetic attitude. Reinforcing negativity encourages the cycle to continue; instead, meet it with kindness and protect your boundaries. 

Leo
July 23 to August 22


Are you good at leaving your work at work, Leo? Try not to let your need to climb the ladder of success overtake you on Sunday, when career-ruling Venus squares against fiery Mars. It’s tempting to compare yourself to others and lash out during this transit. Take a moment to recognize that you’re on your own path, and focus on what you can control in the here and now.

Let your mind wander on Monday when status-minded Venus conjoins with dreamy Neptune. Use this sweet energy to fantasize about where you’d like to go and what you’d like to accomplish. When moments of inspiration strike, write down your ideas and brainstorm the best steps to making them a reality. 

Virgo
August 23 to September 22


Pay close attention to the energy that you attract, Virgo. If you’re giving off negative vibes, you’ll get them back on Sunday as materialistic Venus squares against sensual Mars. Use this transit to become aware of your desires for superficial things, and tune into how they impact your mental health. 

Money-minded Venus conjoins with romantic Neptune on Monday, helping you to re-align your values. Singles, use this transit to become more conscious of what you consume. If you’re in a relationship, it's a great day to discuss shared goals and work to find solutions in your finances. Prepare to center your thoughts on Tuesday when sex-ruling Mars squares against affectionate Neptune. Avoid giving in to feelings of jealousy or mistrust as these planets clash against each other. 

Libra
September 23 to October 22


When was the last time you listened to your heart, Libra? You may need to advocate for yourself on Sunday as ruling Venus squares against romantic Mars. If you’re in a relationship, it could be difficult to see eye to eye with your partner. Try to push through this energy by making a proactive decision to improve your partnership, and avoid flaking out. If you’re single, spend the day reconnecting with your center, and learn to practice self-love.

Enjoy being a space cadet on Monday when ruling Venus conjoins with wellness-minded Neptune. Your mind could bring you some beautiful big ideas — if you’re paying attention. Approach delays with grace on Tuesday when love-ruling Mars squares against Neptune, a planet that governs routines. You might need a little more patience with your friends and loved ones during this clash.

The Moon, which oversees careers, enters her first quarter in steady Taurus on Saturday, bringing up an urge to move forward. Take a deep breath and use this moment to be present, and plan for the future. 

Scorpio
October 23 to November 21



Do you want a little space, Scorpio? If you’re in a relationship, you may need to get some solid you-time on Sunday, when romantic Venus squares against wellness-ruling Mars. If you’re single, make this feisty transit work for you by burning off nervous energy at the gym, or sweating it out through a dance party for one. On Monday affectionate Venus conjoins with dreamy Neptune, allowing you to see past petty differences. This is a beautiful day to reconnect with loved ones and celebrate friendships. Your patience could be tested on Tuesday when routine-ruling Mars squares against flighty Neptune. Focus on what you can control and do your best to ignore those who would try to tear you down.

Sagittarius
November 22 to December 21


Slow your roll, Sagittarius. You may need to take it easy while health-ruling Venus squares against aggressive Mars on Sunday. Find productive ways to blow off steam while these planets clash against each other. Maximize your space to sweat on Monday when wellness-minded Venus conjoins with domestic Neptune. Find ways to implement healthy new habits during this positive transit.

Put on your listening ears on Tuesday when feisty Mars squares against domestic Neptune. Help soothe hurt feelings by presenting your optimistic attitude to others during this distrustful time.

Capricorn
December 22 to January 19


Where are your priorities, Capricorn? You may need to reassess your responsibilities on Sunday as status-minded Venus squares against domestic Mars. Take time to listen to the feelings and insights of your loved one before shutting yourself off to their point of view. If you’re frustrated, take a quick hike to clear your mind and cool your head.

You’re ready to talk business on Monday as career-ruling Venus conjoins with quick-thinking Neptune. Now is the time to voice your opinions, dreams and desires. But make sure that you’re able to back up your ambitions with a solid plan. Your attention returns to matters at home on Tuesday when domestic Mars squares against Neptune, which governs communication. It may be difficult to compromise during this transit, so ask to revisit the subject at hand when you’ve gotten a bit of time behind you. 

Aquarius
January 20 to February 18


Feeling frustrated, Aquarius? Get some space from your responsibilities at home on Sunday when domestic-ruling Venus squares against angsty Mars. The energy is ripe for conflict, so protect your sweet spirit by taking a break and turning off your brain. You’re ready to tackle developments in your home on Monday while affectionate Venus conjoins with money-minded Neptune. Get input from those you share your space with and brainstorm how you can achieve better harmony as a group. Don’t let yourself be bullied into spending on Tuesday when fiery Mars squares against financial Neptune. Make sure that you’ve got all of the facts before pulling out your wallet. 

Pisces
February 19 to March 20


Reassess what you need, Pisces. Materialistic Venus squares against money-minded Mars on Sunday, prompting you to over-indulge. Fight the urge and see how you feel about the items you’re coveting in a week when this energy clears. Charming Venus conjoins with ruling Neptune on Monday, lightening your mood and helping you to sparkle and socialize. People are vibing with your dreamy attitude, so don’t be afraid to express your thoughts.

Be careful with your cash on Tuesday when Mars, overseer of finances, squares against ruling Neptune. You could be tempted to splurge, but be careful of who you give your hard-earned cash to. Be patient with your process on Saturday when your creative ruler, the Moon, enters her 1st quarter in steady Taurus at 8:42 p.m. EST. You’re ready to rock, but everyone else isn’t there yet — use this energy to make edits and get perspective.

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A Week In New York City On A $60,000 Salary

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Welcome to Money Diaries, where we’re tackling what might be the last taboo facing modern working women: money. We’re asking women how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we’re tracking every last dollar.

Today: a Junior Recruiter working in Tech who makes $60,000 per year and spends some of her money this week on a FitBit.

Occupation: Junior Recruiter
Industry: Tech
Age: 24
Location: NYC
Salary: $60,000
Paycheck Amount (Biweekly): $1,600
Gender Identity: Woman

Monthly Expenses
Rent: $1350 (I live with two other roommates in Brooklyn)
Student Loans: $400 (Still have roughly $30,000 left to pay off)
Gym: $30
Utilities: ~$50
WiFi: $20
Spotify/Hulu: $10
Metrocard: Cost taken out of paycheck pretax current
Savings: Leftover money goes directly into paying off credit card debt (~$300 right now)
Medication For Chronic Illness: $25

Day One

7:35 a.m. — I wake up completely exhausted from the two melatonin gummies I ate last night. I smoke weed pretty much every day and decided it was a good idea last night to pop those gummies when I was super stoned. I definitely regret it this morning as I roll out of bed and get ready. I throw on my Nars tinted moisturizer, Bare Minerals concealer, eyeliner, eyebrows, and a bit of blush. It takes 10 minutes as I’ve done this almost every day for the last eight years. My job is very relaxed in terms of what we can wear so I throw on a pair of jeans, Converse, and a big sweater. I run out the door to catch the train and purchase a grande coconut milk latte from Starbucks on my app. It takes me 20 minutes to get to work and I stop to pick up my drink before. I never really drink coffee unless I’m super exhausted or hungover (maybe once every two weeks). $6.26

12:10 p.m. — My coworker and I pop into a nearby lunch spot for a salad. I’m working on not overeating this year, something that happens quite often when I’m high, so I want to be more observant of how much I’m eating every day. I pick a salad with kale, grilled chicken, red cabbage, tomatoes, onion, cucumbers, and a spicy peanut dressing. It’s pretty good and the conversation with my coworker makes me feel rejuvenated. We have so much in common and I’m a bit upset I didn’t get to know her sooner. We take a longer lunch because the conversation gets pretty intense about things at work that we’re both heavily involved with. $11.92

5:15 p.m. — I spend the whole day working on sourcing candidates and hopping on phone screens, and the day flies by. I munch on veggie straws, oranges, and pretzels throughout the day. I’m lucky enough to have shorter days and leave work to head to the gym. The gym I go to is a quick ten minute subway ride from my job. I do 20 minutes on the elliptical and 40 minutes working on my abs, arms, and legs/butt. I’m still fairly new at the gym — I used to have the worst anxiety going to the gym but have now accepted that no one really cares about what you’re doing as everyone is focused on themselves. I’m a huge fan of working out but have always been in classes. In an effort to save some money and pay down my credit card/student loans, I quit the classes and am now on my own. I feel relatively in good shape but it’s tough sometimes to understand if I’m working out “correctly.”

7 p.m. — After the gym, I feel amazing and rush to the nail salon down the block from my gym. I get a gel manicure and pick a light lavender color. I tend to get my nails done every other week ($35+$7 tip). $42

8 p.m. — I get home and chat with my roommates for a bit while making a green smoothie. I throw in a banana, frozen mangoes, a bunch of kale, protein powder, and a bit of peanut butter. My roommates and I go grocery shopping individually every week or so and share everything. We’re all really good about restocking the staples and all eat similar foods. I sip it while watching You with my roommate. It’s so entertaining and I can’t stop watching. I smoke my weed pen during the show and notice the oil in the cartridge is running low. I text my drug dealer (lol) about buying a new cartridge from him tomorrow. I munch on a few chocolate chip cookies while watching TV and conversing with my boyfriend (Z.) via text. I head to bed at around 11. I make it a point to go to bed early tonight since I was so tired today.

Daily Total: $60.18

Day Two

7:25 a.m. — I wake up feeling a lot more rested this morning. I do my usual makeup routine while scrolling Twitter and pop on another sweater, black Uniqlo jeans, and boots. I grab a banana and head to work. I usually try to keep breakfast small or skip it altogether and take an earlier lunch. I get to work a bit late and get slammed with interviews and meetings in the morning.

12:05 p.m. — I grab a sashimi salad from a small sushi spot near the office. I eat at my desk while scrolling through Reddit and conversing with my manager. I really enjoy the team I’m on and how friendly everyone is. I don’t think I’ve been happier in terms of team dynamic. $11.50

3:40 p.m. — In between interviews and meetings, I have 30 minutes to quickly hop on Amazon and purchase a few gifts for my boyfriend’s upcoming birthday. I’m a huge fan of giving gifts. I pick out a FitBit ($70), a cocktail maker kit ($41.50), a shaving kit ($30), and a pair of New Balance sneakers ($85). I also purchase two day passes to a nearby spa for his actual birthday ($250). I know it might be a lot to spend on a birthday and I’ve been dating him for less than a year, but I always put more money into giving other people gifts and I never regret it. Also, he spoiled me a bit for my recent birthday so I want to return the favor. $476.50

5:30 p.m. — I leave work and head to shop around for a bit while waiting for Z. to get off work. He works in finance and his hours are unpredictable. I’ve gotten used to it now and am a master at tentative plans. I used to be a huge planner and dating him has helped me go with the flow more. I find a cute bracelet at a random small jewelry boutique and treat myself. At the last minute, I also pick one up for one of my close friends. $64

7 p.m. — I meet Z. for dinner and we go to Jajaja — a vegan Mexican place in Chinatown. We’re both not vegan but love the nachos so much there. We get a few tacos as well and skip the drinks since we’re doing Dry January together. We’re both pretty excessive drinkers (drug users as well) so we agreed to take this month off and reevaluate our drinking habits. He pays for the bill and we head to his place. We walk since it’s not that cold out and it’s one of our favorite things to do.

8:30 p.m. — During the middle of our walk, I text my weed man and we stop by his place to pick up two weed cartridges. Z. and I pay for our own separately via Venmo. We continue the walk back home while smoking. When we get back we’re both pretty blazed and end up watching TV and doing bedroom activities. I end up falling asleep around 11 or so. $50

Daily Total: $602

Day Three

7:15 a.m. — I get ready in Z.’s dirty bathroom that he shares with three other guys and leave with him to commute to work. It’s finally Friday and I’m so excited about tonight. We have a concert to go to tonight and a birthday party to attend. I’m a bit nervous about not drinking in social situations but feel confident I won’t.

12:30 p.m. — Work is dragging and I spend most of it reading Money Diaries and scrolling through Reddit until my vision starts going blurry. I go to a food cart near my office and pick up a falafel wrap. I love food carts and how inexpensive the food is. I bring it back to work and eat in the kitchen with a rather annoying coworker who decided to eat with me. He talks the entire time and I barely get to say anything. I make a mental note to avoid him if I ever eat in the kitchen alone again. $8.50

6 p.m. — I finish work and head to a dinner with a few of my friends I met in college. We try to do a weekly meal together but haven’t recently because of the holidays. We all smoke from my pen at a park before the dinner. We’re at Thai Villa and I get the pad see ew. Since I’m doing Dry January and not spending money on drinks, I get an appetizer too. I pay my friend in cash and we head to a bar while I wait for Z. to get out of work for the concert. $30

8:30 p.m. — I say goodbye to my friends at the bar and they’re all already pretty tipsy. They make me promise to meet them later in the night so we can all go out. I meet Z. at my place since the concert is at a venue in Brooklyn. I change into a more going out outfit and we head over to the venue in an Uber. Z. pays for it and I pay for the two tickets at the door. The band is very small so tickets are cheap ($24). We both grab Red Bulls and I pay for those as well. It helps with the no drinking thing. $34

11 p.m. — After the show ends, we head to my friend’s birthday party in the LES. Z. pays for the Uber again. We’re the last ones there and the only ones not drinking. Everyone’s pretty drunk and my friends from dinner are nearing blackout territory as they have been drinking since dinner. One of my friends (S.) comes up to me and asks if there’s any way I have or can get MDMA for tonight. I text my sources and find someone who’s willing to deliver. I pay $80 in cash and S. promises he’ll Venmo me. $80

3 a.m. — After a long night, Z. and I leave the club and head home. It’s surprisingly warm out so we walk 30 minutes back to his place. We’re also both maybe still feeling the MDMA. We stop by the 7/11 by his place and pick up two Gatorades. We mess around for a few hours and eventually fall asleep. $5.50

Daily Total: $158

Day Four

11:30 a.m. — Z. and I wake up feeling pretty great. We grab breakfast at a nearby diner with Z.’s roommate. I get the classic eggs, toast, bacon, and home fries. Z.’s roommate picks up the check and insists on paying. Not sure why but not going to push it. We head back to their apartment and watch football for a bit.

3 p.m. — I decide to head back to my place since I’m getting bored of football. I grab an Uber because I’m a lazy P.O.S. One of my goals this year is to limit the Uber rides I take but it’s taking me a bit to stop the habit. I get home and shower last night off of me. I end up taking a nap on the couch by accident and wake up to my roommates coming home. $15.50

6:30 p.m. — My roommates and I decide to get dinner together tonight at a nearby sushi spot. It’s mediocre spot but the sushi rolls are very cheap. We get home and start getting ready for the night. We’re heading to a pregame in lower Manhattan for my roommate’s boyfriend’s birthday celebration. I don’t know him or any of his friends too well so I get a bit anxious about the need to drink since I usually rely on alcohol when I’m nervous in social settings. $25

10 p.m. — We head to roommate’s boyfriend’s apartment and we split a nice bottle of Japanese whiskey ($30) as a gift for him. I also pick up a Red Bull ($5) to hold while at the party. The night is going well but I still feel uneasy being sober in this setting. We make it out to a random bar that’s way too crowded. $35

1 a.m. — I text Z. and he tells me to come over if I’m getting overwhelmed. I instantly take him up on his offer and perform an Irish exit. I grab an Uber since it’s late and Z. lives pretty far. We watch TV, smoke, and head to bed early for a Saturday night. I feel grateful for Z. and lay in bed filled with that cheesy happy feeling. $16.75

Daily Total: $92.25

Day Five

9 a.m. — Z. and I wake up pretty early and wander into the kitchen to make breakfast. His roommates are all very hungover and we both talk about how happy we are that we aren’t hungover. We make a healthy oatmeal breakfast with fruits and eat while watching Bob’s Burgers.

11 a.m. — We decide to get some exercise and head to the gym in his building. I keep a spare set of sneakers and workout clothes at his apartment. I’m blown away at the fact that we’re up and feel well enough to work out this early. His roommates are still asleep. We spend a good hour and a half working out before heading back to his apartment.

3 p.m. — We head to a nearby Chinese restaurant for lunch. We order a bunch of soup dumplings and eat until we can’t anymore. I pay for the meal and Z. leaves a tip. We try to split expenses as fairly as possible and haven’t gotten around to the “what’s your salary” conversation. We walk around for a bit chatting about the upcoming week before he drops me off at the train station. $45.50

6 p.m. — I stop by the nearby grocery store before I get home. I’m lucky enough to live by one that has such a large variety. I pick up chicken thighs, spinach, asparagus, bananas, peanut butter, frozen mangoes, and various snacks. I get home and make three days worth of lunches. I do the usual chicken, asparagus, spinach, and rice bowl. I have enough for another serving so I eat it for dinner and get to sleep early since it was a busy weekend. $35.45

Daily Total: $80.95

Day Six

7:25 a.m. — Monday. Makeup. Hoodie, jeans, and Nikes. I head to work and grab a free bagel. I throw on Kite Hill cream cheese and munch on it as I go through emails and chat with coworkers about their weekends.

1 p.m. — I eat my lunch with my coworker and we talk about the upcoming week. She’s going on a trip to Thailand soon and I recently traveled there so I recommend a few spots and share a few pictures with her. I’m super jealous and make a mental note to plan a trip soon. I hop on Google Flights after lunch and search around for cheap flights. My company has unlimited PTO so it’s very easy to take off when needed. I don’t end with a decision so I text Z. to see if he wants to go anywhere soon.

5:45 p.m. — I head to the gym and half-ass a workout. It’s one of those workouts where you give up in the middle of a set and end up stretching for half an hour. Z. calls me during my walk to the train and we discuss traveling to Mexico City in the next few weeks. It would be our first trip together. We end the call promising to look over flights the next time we see each other.

7 p.m. — I stop by the dollar store before getting home and pick up tampons, pads, and shampoo. My period should be coming this week so I like to be prepared. I got off birth control a year ago and not having the luxury of knowing when your period is coming is super annoying. I have another one of my green smoothies and finish You with my roommate. Joe is really a crazy man!!! I go to bed around 11. $25.95

Daily Total: $25.95

Day Seven

7 a.m. — I wake up really early for some reason and get to my office a bit too early. I sit down at a small cafe nearby and buy a croissant. I eat it slowly before heading to work. I get stuck in a conversation with the annoying coworker and can feel my day going downhill. $2.50

1 p.m. — I have my lunch at my desk since I’m slammed with work. I run out and grab a bag of gummy bears and M&M’s. $3.50

6 p.m. — After sitting through hours of interviews and meetings, I’m finally done for the day. My coworker invites me to grab drinks/dinner with him and I agree, deciding to skip the gym for today. We go to a nearby sports bar and I order a fried chicken sandwich (one of my favorite foods, if done right). My coworker and I chat about what’s been going on in our lives and at work. I don’t know him too well but he’s always been super friendly to me so I always enjoy his company. After we finish eating, he insists on paying. I leave the tip and he walks me to the train. I get home and spend 30 minutes cleaning up the apartment before showering and watching TV. $15

Daily Total: $21

We want to know: Have you ever had Group Chat drama? Are you in no fewer than 10 group chats — between iMessage, Instagram DM, Messenger, and Whatsapp? And are you constantly in fear of sending the wrong text to the wrong group? Or worse: sending something about the group to the group? Group chats are the ideal breeding ground for friend drama. Sound off here and tell us yours for a chance to be featured on the site!

Money Diaries are meant to reflect individual women’s experiences and do not necessarily reflect Refinery29’s point of view. Refinery29 in no way encourages illegal activity or harmful behavior.

The first step to getting your financial life in order is tracking what you spend — to try on your own, check out our guide to managing your money every day. For more money diaries, click here.

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Beyoncé Went Total Pretty Woman For One Of The Biggest Pre-Grammys Parties

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At this point, Beyoncé and the word Grammy aren’t exactly strangers: the singer has collected a total of 70 nominations and 23 awards dating back to her work with Destiny’s Child. This year, Bey earned four nominations for her musical contributions to the live-action The Lion King and her Netflix film, Homecoming — and she celebrated early on Saturday night at the Clive Davis Pre-Grammy Gala with a cherry-red dress featuring a deep slit. She rounded out the look with a crystal-studded clutch and matching Louboutin heels.

Beyoncé’s stylist, Zerina Akers, shared a photo of the look on Instagram. “Pretty Woman,” Akers wrote, confirming that the Valdrin Sahiti gown may have been inspired by the iconic floor-length, V-neck dress that Julia Roberts’ character Vivian wore in the 1990 rom-com.

Beyoncé wasn’t the only one rocking a bold look at the gala, though: her husband, Jay-Z, wore a cream white suit. The pair were likely at the event supporting their friend Sean “Diddy” Combs, who was accepting an award. But according to Just Jared, the couple also received a standing ovation and a shout-out from Clive Davis himself at the party. “We’re so happy you’ve never retired,” the producer said.

Beyoncé hasn’t been shying away from pushing the envelope with daring, eye-catching ensembles in 2020. Her Golden Globes gown, a custom Schiaparelli creation, featured ebullient gold sleeves, and she paired the dress with sheer black gloves and statement earrings.

On Sunday night, Beyoncé might nab wins including Best Pop Solo Performance, Best Pop Vocal Album, and Best Music Film. If she wins all four of her nominations, she will be tied with Alison Krauss for the most Grammys ever won by a woman.

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Lizzo Looks Good As Hell On The Grammys Red Carpet

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Lizzo always slays the style game no matter the occasion. And this year’s Grammy Awards are truly no different. Nominated for eight awards tonight — more than any other artist — the “Truth Hurts” singer arrived looking like a literal angel in a white, sparkling Versace gown. Featuring a high slit and a train, the star was also decked out in a white fur shawl. For accessories, she went with a double diamond necklace and strappy white heels. The only thing missing? A glowing halo.

“The inspo was ‘iconic status,’” the star’s stylist Marko Monroe told Page Six Style ahead of the event. “I was thinking about the powerful, iconic women who have come before her, and the imagery they’ve relayed when it comes to glamour — of course, with a little Lizzo twist. If you’re a pop culture history lover, you’ll understand the influences.” Whether she’s wearing a harness or dressed as a tree, Lizzo always looks iconic. 

“We always try to give you sexy,” Monroe told Page Six. “She’s sexy, so we have to make that a priority in anything we do. It’s our top priority. And she’s got such a huge personality, so it’s important that her style is reflective of that — and that it’s fun!” Lizzo is also set to perform at the Grammys, and there’s no telling what she’ll rock for the big moment. We can’t wait.

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The $18 Moisturizer That Made Lizzo’s Grammys Makeup Possible

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“I do my hair toss, check my nails,” Lizzo once sang, not knowing we’d soon have our eyes on her skin care, too — especially when it comes to her glow at the 62nd Grammy Awards. The “Truth Hurts” singer arrived at the ceremony’s red carpet tonight giving off major old Hollywood vibes in an Atelier Versace dress complete with a fur wrap, pearl necklace, and long waves, all complemented by straight-up radiant skin.

Copping that hand-beaded Swarovski-crystal gown might not be in the cards for the rest of us — but Lizzo’s skin-care routine, on the other hand, is available at your local Target. Ahead of the evening, we caught up with the star’s makeup artist Alexx Mayo, who relied on two products from chic and affordable brand Versed to achieve the illuminated look: the Skin Soak Rich Moisture Cream and The Fix Emergency Eye Mask. “The star skin-care product on Lizzo tonight was the cream,” Mayo exclusively tells Refinery29. “It gave her a burst of moisture and the perfect canvas [for makeup].”

As Lizzo prepares to take the stage and possibly walk away with trophies for a whopping eight nominations — a long evening, to be sure — Mayo thought it was wise to bring in the quick-fix eye mask to ensure she look as bright-eyed and vibrant as possible. “It instantly helped to depuff and brighten [the area],” he says of his kit staple.

Of course, it’s not only about the products used, but how you use them. That’s why Mayo found it essential to “allow each skincare step to absorb before applying the next, creating a smooth, hydrated canvas [for makeup],” he adds.

Once it’s time to put on makeup, it’s all about focusing on the oil-prone areas, like the T-zone, when dusting on powder so that you can let the rest of your skin shine in the best way. And if you’re accepting an award or getting ready to dance à la Lizzo — which is a strong possibility for this nominated star tonight — then shining bright is a must if you’re looking to feel “Good As Hell.”

At Refinery29, we’re here to help you navigate this overwhelming world of stuff. All of our market picks are independently selected and curated by the editorial team. If you buy something we link to on our site, Refinery29 may earn commission.

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Billie Eilish Is A Slime-Green Gucci Queen On The Grammys Red Carpet

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True to form, Billie Eilish showed up to the Grammys in her signature color — slime green. For the special occasion, the artist, who was nominated for six Grammy Awards this year, wore a black short-sleeve button down with matching pants and fingerless gloves, all featuring shimmering green Gucci G’s. Underneath, she wore a sparkly green turtleneck with bishop sleeves (further proof that statement sleeves are the official 2020 red carpet mood). 

For accessories — in addition to glorious, talon-like green nails — the “bad guy” singer wore a pair of tiny black sunglasses and large, gold Gucci logo earrings that appeared to be attached to a chin strap with the same black and green Gucci print as her clothes. To complete this pitch-perfect look, her black and metallic green sneakers featured large green stones. No matter what Billie wears, she always looks seriously cool, and this outfit is no different.

When it comes to her style, Billie has become famous for her IDGAF attitude and baggy clothes. Previously, in a Calvin Klein video for its #MyCalvins campaign, Billie explained, “I never want the world to know everything about me. I mean that’s why I wear big, baggy clothes.” We love how the singer always stays true to herself, and her Grammys outfit definitely did not disappoint.

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Billie Eilish’s Technicolor Hair Evolution Deserves Its Own Award

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Billie Eilish is just 18, but in her short time in the music industry she's already experienced chart-topping stardom. From being named Apple Music's Global Artist of the Year to her six nominations at the 2020 Grammys, the "Bad Guy" singer has quickly become a household name.

But Eilish's career accolades aren't the only things she's known for. Whether she's experimenting with different shades of blue or surprising fans with a make-under, her ever-changing hair has earned its own version of fame.

With her signature look of neon green roots going strong tonight, we're looking back at her vibrant hair evolution. Check it out, ahead.

Silver, 2016

Eilish rocked this icy silver color to Teen Vogue's Young Hollywood party back in 2016. Photo: Araya Diaz/WireImage.

Platinum Blonde, 2017


One year later she sported a blonder version of the hue to the series premiere of Netflix's 13 Reasons Why.
Photo: Steve Granitz/WireImage.

Dusty Lavender, 2018

There's only one thing left to do when you're sick of your bleached strands: Dye them a fun color. Eilish did just that in 2018, opting for this moody purple.


Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images.

Deep Blue, 2018


The singer later traded the dusty purple for a vibrant blue, which she later admitted she hated.


Photo: Noam Galai/Getty Images.

Seafoam Green, 2018


In the process of getting rid of her blue hair, Eilish ended up with a hue somewhere between green and blue. Photo: Rich Polk/Getty Images.

Sage, 2019


In the midst of her skyrocketing musical career, Eilish rocked a green-meets-gray shade at the start of 2019.Photo: Michael Kovac/Getty Images.

Jet Black, 2019


With the blue hair finally behind her, the artist went for black, which she debuted at the 2019 iHeartRadio Awards.Photo: Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic.

Purple Streaks, 2019


It didn't take long for Eilish to go back to the rainbow, this time opting for purple streaks.Photo: Jo Hale/Redferns.

Neon Green Roots, 2019


In the summer of 2019, Eilish revealed her most daring hair yet: neon-green roots. The look is quickly becoming her signature as her career maintains its upward trajectory.Photo: Scott Dudelson/Getty Images.

Neon Green Roots, 2019

Eilish stepped out with a mullet-like shag soon after the last image was snapped, but later explained that it was the result of her hair being burnt off after a dye job gone wrong, not a purposeful cut.

Photo: Gregg DeGuire/FilmMagic.

Chestnut Brown, 2019


For the music video for her song "Xanny," the Grammy-nominated artist shocked fans with a chestnut brown lob that dramatically differed from the two-tone hair they're used to seeing.

Neon Green Roots, 2020


Eilish returned to her bright-green roots for the 2020 Grammys — and they looked brighter than ever.Photo: Joshua Blanchard/Getty Images.

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Billie Eilish Wore $10 OPI Nail Polish To The Grammys

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Billie Eilish was flexing on everyone at last night’s Grammy Awards. Winning four major awards — Best New Artist, Album, Record and Song of the Year — the 18-year-old star showed up in statement style, wearing a slime green and black Gucci suit with bedazzled bishop sleeves, only to be outdone by her choice of accessories, including Matrix sunglasses, neon roots, fingerless gloves, and long green talons peeking out.

In what may very well be the “Bad Guy” singer-songwriter’s coolest manicure to date, she sported long, squared-off two-toned green acrylics embossed with the iconic Gucci double-G logo.

To get the look, Eilsih’s manicurist Emi Kudo partnered with OPI, and cocktailed a few of the brand’s gel polishes to create the perfect green tones. The rich base actually started with a shiny navy, the shade March in Uniform, blended with a teal tone. For the G logo, Kudo created a brighter green using OPI’s classic yellow, Sun, Sea, and Sand in My Pants, and a neon chartreuse gel.

While we could certainly talk about Eilish’s voice — and her emotional Grammys performance — all day long, we’ll leave you with some inspiration for your next manicure instead. Because if the coolest young star at the Grammys is any indication, we may be in for a slime-green comeback. (Of course, anything Gucci is always in style.)

At Refinery29, we’re here to help you navigate this overwhelming world of stuff. All of our market picks are independently selected and curated by the editorial team. If you buy something we link to on our site, Refinery29 may earn commission.

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14 Pink, Sparkly, & Chic Nail-Art Ideas For Valentine’s Day

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As far as classic accents go, tiny red or pink hearts make for a fun manicure any time of year, not just the second week of February. But if you're wearing hearts from January to December, how are you going to make your mani feel different for Valentine's Day? Well, we've got a few ideas.

Our favorite manicures of the moment are loosely inspired by Cupid, flowers, and all things love. But just like your favorite poppy-red crewneck sweater, these nail looks are timeless and a little flirty. Plus, this chic art is perfect for a romantic date night, or just your average Monday in February.

From sparkly rhinestones over baby-pink polish to a minimalist bare nail with a teeny red heart accent, check out the cutest Valentine's Day nail art that's taking over Instagram right now, ahead.
Go for a negative French tip in light pink, then add a heart sticker for added pizzazz.
A heart-shaped confetti polish like this one makes for a seasonally-appropriate minimalist manicure that looks much more involved than the three minutes it took to swipe over your nails. We'd recommend trying one of Essie's new Valentine's Day-exclusive polishes to get the look at home.
If you've recently jumped on the almond-shaped nail trend, you can use those subtly pointed tips as a backdrop for a heart design. Bonus points for adding little eyes Commes des Garçons-style.
A single tiny heart on a bare nail is all kinds of chic. Pair it with a soft, stained red lip and dewy minimal makeup everywhere else.
You can concentrate your Valentine's Day red on the just tips of your nails for a festive and trendy spin on the classic French manicure. This exact look takes a clear base coat with a skinny French dip in the CND shade Wildfire layered on top.
This baby-pink base color with hot-pink leopard spots concentrated towards the tips is seasonal without even knowing it.
If an accent nail is your vibe — and you have a steady hand with a striping brush — consider drawing this cursive trio of hearts across your ring finger.
The best part about a half-moon mani is that the negative space at the cuticle allows for your nails to grow out seamlessly.
Multicolored floral nail art shows you're complex, with varied likes and desires, and you will not be wooed by a cliché bouquet of roses.
This spotted negative-space nail is pretty easy to DIY: All you have to do is give your nails a nude base, then use a red polish (this one is Marigold by Zoya) to paint alternating semi-circles with a tiny drop of gold polish in the center.
Some carefully-placed gemstones add a little flair to a simplistic blush-pink manicure.
An unexpected way to wear red is to mix in a textured pop of matte glitter polish — in the same shade — over just one nail.
Fluttery eyelash decals over a neutral color add a little something flirty, without being obvious about it.
If you're feeling inspired by the heart tip, you can take the trend a step further, painting one on the point of each nail.

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Lana Del Rey’s Under-$500 Grammys Dress Is Still For Sale At Dillard’s

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Mandatory Credit: Photo by David Fisher/Shutterstock (10532330rf) Lana Del Rey 62nd Annual Grammy Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA – 26 Jan 2020 Wearing Aidan Mattox

While Ariana Grande, Alicia Keys, and Lizzo all chose to wear not just one custom or couture gown to last night’s Grammy Awards, but multiple, Lana Del Rey took a different approach to red carpet dressing: She wore just one dress, and she bought it at the mall.

Nominated for both Album and Song of the Year, the “Fuck It I Love You” singer showed up to the annual event arm-in-arm with her new beau, police officer Sean Larkin, wearing a Gatsby-esque silver beaded gown. Naturally, we assumed that the singer-songwriter, who famously walked the 2018 Met Gala red carpet alongside Gucci Creative Director Alessandro Michele and Jared Leto, would follow in the footsteps of her fellow attendees by wearing a custom gown or suit — and she almost did. But like so many of us have done before a big event, Del Rey changed her mind at the last second after seeing something that she felt beat out her previous sartorial selection. 

“So, I actually had another dress and then my boyfriend and I were getting a belt for him at the mall,” Del Rey told Entertainment Tonight on the red carpet. “And I saw this, and I loved it.” We can’t blame her. At first glance, we’d have never believed that her stunning selection wasn’t just as unattainable as the dresses that her fellow nominees chose for the event. Featuring short sleeves, a cut-out neckline, and a daring high side-slit, the gown, designed by Aidan Mattox, was extremely her: unique, retro, and beautiful. 

But the style and relatability of her red carpet dress aren’t even the best parts about her look. No, the real winner is that while supplies last, you could very well get your hands on the exact same dress. Oh, and did we mention that it’s on sale (for under $500 at Dillard’s)? Yeah, it’s that good. 

So while we’ll never know what Lana Del Rey was originally planning on donning for the 2020 Grammys, rest assured that because of an impromptu trip to the mall, you might get the chance to twin with the iconic musician — that is, if you can shop fast enough.

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Kobe Bryant Will Be Posthumously Inducted Into The Hall Of Fame

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Mandatory Credit: Photo by Chelsea Lauren/WWD/Shutterstock (5689315f) Kobe Bryant Hublot and Kobe Bryant launch Hero Villain watch, Los Angeles, America – 18 May 2016

This past Sunday, former NBA player Kobe Bryant, 41, passed away in a tragic helicopter crash in Calabasas, California along with his daughter, Gianna, 13, and seven other passengers. Celebrities and fans alike have been paying tribute to Bryant, who was a Los Angeles Laker for the duration of his 20-season basketball career. Now, reports indicate that the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame is planning to honor the star player and his numerous accomplishments by inducting him in the 2020 class.

Bryant retired from the game in 2016 and was first nominated for a spot in the Basketball Hall of Fame in December 2019, the first year he was eligible, among 50 other star basketball players.

“Kobe will be honored the way he should be,” Hall of Fame chairman Jerry Colangelo told Shams Charania, The Athletic‘s senior National Basketball Association insider. Charania also said on Twitter that Bryant will be subject to the usual Hall of Fame screening process.

“For 20 seasons, Kobe showed us what is possible when remarkable talent blends with an absolute devotion to winning,” NBA commissioner Adam Silver said in a statement on Sunday. “He was one of the most extraordinary players in the history of our game with accomplishments that are legendary: five NBA championships, an NBA MVP award, 18 NBA All-Star selections, and two Olympic gold medals.

“But he will be remembered most for inspiring people around the world to pick up a basketball and compete to the very best of their ability,” Silver continued. “He was generous with the wisdom he acquired and saw it as his mission to share it with future generations of players, taking special delight in passing down his love of the game to Gianna.” 

Until shortly before his death, Bryant held the number three spot for most career points in the NBA, having scored 33,643 during his time with the Lakers (and becoming the youngest league player to reach 30,000 points). But last Saturday, LeBron James surpassed him, taking the third spot. In response, Bryant tweeted out words of encouragement towards his former teammate, saying, “Continuing to move the game forward @KingJames. Much respect my brother.”

Actions like this are what made Bryant a role model on and off the court. His fans and community are still recovering from his passing, and have spent the days since the accident honoring the former Laker.

Bryant and his daughter are survived by Bryant’s wife Vanessa, 37, and his daughters Natalia, 17, Bianka, 3, and Capri, 7 months.

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“Mamba Mentality” Is The Legacy That Kobe Bryant Will Leave Behind

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LOS ANGELES, CA – APRIL 21: Kobe Bryant #24 of the Los Angeles Lakers reacts in the second quarter against the Utah Jazz in Game Two of the Western Conference Quarterfinals during the 2009 NBA Playoffs at Staples Center on April 21, 2009 in Los Angeles, California. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images)

As the world continues to mourn the sudden and tragic death of Kobe Bryant, fans of the athlete and community leader are also remembering what made him one of basketball’s most iconic players in history. On and off the court, Bryant constantly strove to be the best version of himself, thanks in due part to what he frequently referred to as his “Mamba Mentality.”

Bryant dubbed himself “Black Mamba” after seeing “Kill Bill” in 2003. Inspired by Uma Thurman’s assassin heroine named for the snake of the same name, Bryant adopted the nickname to highlight his skills and presence on the basketball court. In particular, he sought to personify the Black Mamba for its speed and accuracy. “When I step on that court, I become that,” he told sportscaster Ahmad Rashad in 2015. “I am that killer snake. I’m stone cold, man.”

From the “Black Mamba” nickname stemmed the “Mamba Mentality,” which Bryant has defined as always aiming to be better at what one does. Bryant possessed a goal-achieving personality — from obtaining multiple accolades over 20 years in the NBA to supporting his daughters. The contagious energy spread through his “Mamba Mentality” namesake as the years went on. Bryant frequently talked about it in interviews and naming his 2018 book after the phrase.

The Kobe Bryant self-named focus remains a popular approach to sports for athletes and is no doubt a large part of Bryant’s legacy. LeBron James and Kyrie Irving are among those who adopted “Mamba Mentality” after Bryant, particularly James, who became something of a protege to Bryant over the years. James recently surpassed Bryant to become the NBA’s third-highest scorer of all time. Bryant’s final tweet congratulated the athlete on beating his record and hoped to pay it forward.

“Mamba Mentality” is perhaps what made Bryant the youngest NBA player in the 1996 draft and cultivated two decades worth of wins for the Los Angeles Lakers. It’s the same mentality that he says helped him score 60 points even in his final NBA game. And, although Bryant retired from basketball before his death, he carried the “Mamba Mentality” with him into his post-game career with his Oscar-winning short, Dear Basketball.

Now, in the wake of his sudden death, many are commemorating Kobe Bryant’s Black Mamba alter ego that resonated across multiple generations. Today, kids are dunking crumpled pieces of paper into trash cans and yelling “KOBE!” in his honor — and that’s the exact mentality his legacy will leave behind.

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